Women and choice

Posted on June 23, 2006. Filed under: In English, Komentar - Passing thoughts and opinions |

After reading this I can no longer avoid my blog.

My questions, what SHOULD a woman do and become? Why do we need to justify our choice? What is the ideal life and role for woman? Who should set that ideal?

To be honest, I was not dumbfounded that a woman choose to be a mother, I was more dumbfounded by the implicit idealization of woman. The writing I cite (if this is the correct term for grabbing one’s article and putting it on my own page) here, in my opinion, tries to provide a counter-argument for ‘feminist’ woman-independence arguments. The article proudly argues that a-could-be-carrier-woman CAN choose to be a mother. Be it. But shouldn’t the availability of choices is more important than what a person choose?

This is my problem. The author idealization of woman somehow presents (or should I say imposes?) an idea what a woman should choose? Don’t you think we should ask the women on what they want to do in their lives, instead of deciding for them on what they SHOULD do?

So, is a well educated woman doomed to be a carrier woman? I never and will never say that! But does our society ever try to listen to the voice of women who are felling ‘trapped’ in their family routine and wish to accomplish something outside the family boundary and shadow? I don’t think so. Everybody has the right to choose, although not all of us have choices. I don’t think the could-be-carrier-women who choose to be mothers and housewives should be regarded more highly than the should-be-mothers-and-housewives who choose to be carrier women, and vice versa.

But I do think that all women should have all choices available to them. Most importantly, we should not need to justify ourselves when we choose to break away from the social expectation of woman. Social expectation is constructed throughout time, it is not and will never be in the absolut term.

So, give us education, give us opportunities, give us choices, give us freedom, give us voices and congratulate us for WHATEVER choice we will make in our life. Self-fulfilment choices are not comparable to one another, as ‘the self’ should never be compared and judged!

Is woman independence that scary and unwanted?

By the way, I wonder if you are aware that one main policy advice to solve rural chronic poverty and population pressure is actually women education? Women empowerement is not an empty slogan, it is actually the remedy of many social problems.

As my favorite advertisement says “Derrière les progrès, il y a toujours des femmes”.


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7 Responses to “Women and choice”

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Ahahah… Indeed, we’re at the same topic. I’m first! It’s posted yesterday 😀 (yea right,like that matters! hihihi)

Well, there IS (or are?) an idealization of a woman. However, being an ideal woman is far from easy. There’s no such thing, there would only be a good woman who always learns to reach the ideal idea (on what she understands, of course).

By the way, shouldn’t it be ‘availability’?

Thanks for the correction. 🙂

I refuse any ideal that is imposed on someone from somebody else. An ideal should come from one’s perception, and not from others’.

Just tired to realize that I may still have to justify my choice.

here goes my 2 cent nonsense:

there’s no such thing as a perfect human that satisfies everybody. one always judges others consciously or not and because one’s thoughts are only for him/herself, there are always multiple views of an abstract thing, such as this notion of a “perfect”/”ideal” person.

i strongly believe that the key is knowledge, tolerance and equality. indeed, i often fall into my own prejudism, but i try my best to exercise/use them.

with regard to this “idealization” of a woman, i’d say, don’t be bothered. there’s no need to justify yourself as long as you feel comfortable with your choice and aware of the consequences. one saying that i kinda like to some extent: “lu lu, gue gue”.

I’m with you, girl. The society (ours, that is) somehow put us in a court-like situation forcing us to justify our choices, which shouldn’t be. One doesn’t have any obligations to explain their options unless the choice put another party in a more unfortunate situation. Unfortunately, we’re surrounded by people who enjoys judging others, questioning, either it has an impact to their lives, or just for the sake of satisfying their nosy curiosity.

Ah well, glad to have you back.


as a man…
ofcourse we can told what women do as their responsibility…
and viseversa
as a woman…
you can told what men do for their responsibility…

it just the way of thinking… but accumulation of thought to be a society habits
what we could do with that????
following it… or ..??
just simply… we live in society that must grow and always change…–>

halow salam kenal…
gw baru baca blognya telat banget yah…
cuma mau bilang gw setuju banget dengan women education untuk wanita indonesia karena dengn pendidikan kita (wanita indonesia) mempunyai pola pikir yang lain dan bisa mempunyai pilihan dalam menentukan hidupnya juga bisa terhindar dari berbagai masalah seperti poligamy, pelecehan seksual, kekerasan dalam rumah tangga dll yang ternyata permasalahan ini sudah ada dari jaman dulu dan telah dibicarakan dalam kongres wanita pertama dulu tahun 1928.Ternyata issue ini masih dan akan berlanjut.

Being a girl/woman is difficult. It’s even more difficult when you live in a country like Indonesia, when it’s so dominated by male and the female gender is often treated as second-class citizen.

But nowadays there are more career women who care less about what others think – they pursue their dreams and they don’t let the judgment of others clouding their decisions.

This is indeed a very good development for the female gender but what we need to inform to the society is that a woman’s choice is NOT limited to only three options: being a wife, being a mother and a career woman.

I believe women have as many talents as men and they need to rediscover their purposes in life furthermore rather than just conform to the norm that the society has set upon them.

But what irks me even more, in this time when women are trying to rise up, is the existence of other women who are attacking their own gender and apologising for trying to be “more than a woman”.

I can never, ever forgive that.

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